Kevin Gates says he was to the point where he didn’t want to live anymore and thought about tapping out.
The Louisiana rapper was open and candid as he spoke about dealing with depression last year, which led to him disabling his Instagram account and taking a break. While on an interview on Big Facts, the rapper said December 10-12 of 2020 was the hardest for him as he was ready to give it all up, but he didn’t tell anyone.
“When I disabled my Instagram, this is my first time speaking about this. I hadn’t put on my Twitter all my friends and my family forgive me I love you all, it’s over it, see I don’t do the ‘man I’m about to kill myself’, I don’t want no attention, I don’t do no horseplaying, that’s horseplaying when you talk about it.” Kevin Gates said.
“I was gona do it the way of the Samurai, just smash myself cause I was to the point I don’t want to live no more, cause that last video I had posted where I was holding my daughter rcking her, I did her birthday in Cabo, I ensured she had the best birthday ever I was just holding her, I knew I was holding her for the last time,” he added.
Kevin Gates says he was not happy and felt a lot of pressure as the head of the household, something he can relate to other men feeling.
“When you a provider, a lot of men don’t speak about this, but a lot of men suffer in silence…you are a provider and you are already unhappy and not feeling like you being celebrated in a proper manner, you feel you’re being tolerated, like a lot of people like ‘why certain people don’t want to go home’… when I was in the streets I used to hate going home I feel like its cool but I aint welcome there, because it don’t feel embracing when I go home. Y’all acting like I’m doing what I’m spose’ to be doing, and a lot of men suffer and don’t know it’s ok to go to your mancave,” he said.
Kevin Gates says he was ready to end things which led to him disconnecting his Instagram and his Twitter. He added that he had written a letter to his son, and he wore all of his jewelry to the gym as he planned to end his life wearing his material possessions.
As he spoke about the experience, Gates hinted at the heavy feelings he felt and said he wrote in the letter that the first woman who broke his heart was his mother, and the only woman who ever loved him was his grandmother.
Gates said he had a conversation with himself in the mirror at the gym, and while getting ready to leave to go commit the act, it was a fan whose words made him change his mind.
“Show you how God work through people, I’m walking out the gym, white boy walked up on me you know kinda big, you know I see him in there a lot. He said ‘can I approach you?’ you know when you bout to do something gangsta but you be tryna be calm and smiling? He’s like ‘your music is the only thing that makes this crazy world makes sense,’” he said.
Kevin Gates says the two then exchange words after the fan expresses concern for him.
“I was like ‘the world is a cruel place’, I was laughing but I know what I was about to go do, he was like ‘man I was worried bout you you had to disconnect your Instagram and your twitter the world needs you’. Your music done kept me from committing suicide so many times,” he said the fan told him.
Kevin Gates then replied, “I said listen, I swear to God I’m about to go push my sh*t off, right now, you the only one I’m telling. He cried and grabbed me and said if you did that, so many people gon take their life but you all we got.”
The rapper said the moment was divine intervention the way God used his fan to remind him how meaningful his music was to fans.