In case you ever wonder what would be in the diary of a notorious Jamaican gangster, we have excerpts of one of them for you. Yes gangster keep diaries too… strange… but true.

Cedric Murray, 37, alias “Dawgie”, a lieutenant of the feared Stone-Crusher Gang in St. James, was shot dead by police on his birthday, August 12. Murray says his career in crime started when he was 11 years old and quickly mushroomed to the point where he no longer feared death but felt that his was a wasted life.

“Many would wonder how this all started or how it came to all of this. It started from 12 years old or 11, and the lifestyle just grew rapidly into many criminal behaviour, and prison taught me well — positive and negative.”

“My story started long ago from a little boy in primary school and gang.”

“I am living but I have no life. The media along with babylon has degrade my name but not my image.”

“I make no excuse for my past. I am a real gangsta, hardcore. I am a player and teacher of what is right.”

“Babylon has labelled me a threat to society, why, because they can’t kill me and people love me. There are many skeleton in my closet never to be opened.”

“I wonder how many places will this life I live take me and how often will I see my kids.”

“My life is very unstable and complex. It’s… very difficult, at times boring and very frustrating.”

“Today is just another day of mixed emotions. No one knows my daily struggles each day. I fight a deep inner fight of fear, depression and anger. I had so much to offer but I allow my feeling to drive me to anger and this is part of the result, life of a fugitive. Most of my life is spent as a wanted man.”

In several of his entries Murray spoke of narrow escapes he made from the police, as well as other times when he fled only to learn later that he did so on the basis of false alarms.

“As I sit here and reflect on my present life, yesterday I had to run to the hills and wet in the rain, false alarm, so many of those, this is a wasted life. I don’t even have a roof over my head. I am all over, I miss my kids dem so much, life at times can be like the quick sand.”

“Well, today is a day false alarm about babylon coming, pure running again. It seems like I just can’t get in shape. Life in the hills of St Andrew is very ruff, day and night babylon is close, nuff movements at times.”

“The morning began at 4:30 am. I was asleep when babylon came but by the grace of God I escape. The tracks are ruff. My life right now is very ruff, each day way different from what I am use to at my age.”

“My life is full of issues, how I long for a real good sleep, just lay down and sleep away. But my lifestyle doesn’t give me that luxury, all because of the path that I am walking on.”

“My life right now is like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece, my woman. I am in great distress and agony. I am watching my love life fall right apart and can’t stop it. When does my pain stop.”

“Today I got mad and strike my girl. We are having some problems, real life issues. She make me happy and I make her unhappy. She is scared of all this.”

“I have lost my woman that I love dearly all because of this delima. I caan blame her for she have a life too and kids. I am like a man living on death row but with faith in God things will work out for me.”

“I am tempted to hate and react but people have grown to love and trust me as a man and not as a gangster. I am just a man trying to live in peace because I know how to fight but I choose to love.”

“My isolation from society gets farther each year. For now I am at ease but for me things are subject to change anytime. I should really write a book but I couldn’t be real honest so it wouldn’t be a best seller.”

“Each day I am faced with a new fear that I must overcome by faith and staying focus and not letting my anger direct my steps into blindness. My gun is my best friend, we are always together, always”.

Who said only illiterate people turn gangsters… well think again

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